Learning to Surrender Expectations
A large part of submission and pursuing the art of slavery is surrendering to the moment, letting love and devotion flow through us, and letting go of expectations. Complete submission to our Master or Mistress cannot happen without eventually learning to recognize and let go of our expectations. This is one of the many great challenges that will present itself to us as we pursue the art of slavery and learn to submit all that we are to those we serve.
Ideas such as A must lead to B and if it does not, I have wasted my time, or I have given for naught lead to nothing but unhappiness and disappointment. How many times have we let expectations ruin the moment? How many times have we struggled with the way we think things should be? How many times have we been swallowed up by disappointment and pain because we believe someone should have done something we desired or needed a certain way or at a certain time? How many times have we created elaborate scenes in our heads about how we wanted things to go? How many times have we expected our Master or Mistress to know what we needed or wanted without even communicating our desire? How many times have things not turned out how we hoped, and we were left feeling unloved, frazzled, irritated or resentful? Feelings such as these can temporarily blind us to all else, until we no longer see the beauty in the moment and we are left standing in darkness and self created pain.
When we have expectations, we have this inner need for someone or something to be a certain way, or to do a certain thing in order for us to feel safe, loved or fulfilled. We become attached to it showing up in just this certain way or else we will reject it. To keep focusing on what could be, or what should be is the express route to discontent and unhappiness.
When we learn to let go of expectations however, we open ourselves to the beauty of the moment we are in and we are able to surrender to it. When we drop expectations we allow our Master to be who HE chooses to be, and we are able to submit to Him with the focus of love, devotion and giving, rather than judgement, resentment or disappointment.
How to Let Go of Expectations
Surrender our desires and expectations. Surrender our need to control an event or outcome, and realize, we actually don’t. It is only an illusion. Surrender to life itself, to what it unfolds before us and stop trying to keep a tight grip on controlling events and outcomes. This is like trying to grip flowing water. If we put our hands into a flowing river and try to get the water by grabbing it and clenching our fists against it, it slips out of our hands. If we relax and open, gently cupping our hands, the water flows into our palms. By letting go, opening, and trusting, we hold onto more of what is precious to us.
Trust in our Masters. Practice and keep re-focusing on surrendering every moment and every event to that trust. Believe that they will handle the flow of events. Believe that you will handle the flow of events in the way that best serves them. Let go and let Master.
3. Express Gratitude
It is difficult to remain wrapped up in disappointments or expectations when we are genuinely expressing our gratitude. Reflect on, or even list those things you are grateful for, the things you love and adore about your life, your role, your Master. Express your gratitude to them in word and action.
4. Realize that Desire and Expectation are Two Different Things
Desire - to wish or long for; crave; want, to express a wish to obtain; ask for; request.
Expectation - the act or the state of expecting: to look forward to; regard as likely to happen; anticipate the occurrence or the coming of
Desire is internal, it is a feeling, a longing, a desire that occurs inside of us and it is independent of results. Expectation however is dependent on an external source or event and involves judgement.
5. Give Up on Resistance
Stop feeding the monster. This inner being who keeps screaming, ‘What about me?’ is a kind of monster, a distorted outgrowth of our egos. Imagine the monster.
“The name of this beast is resistance. Now think of a situation where you absolutely didn’t want to go along with your Master’s will. See this monster coming forward to defend you by putting up a wall of denial, a thousand reasons why you are right and your Master is wrong, a ferocious display of withering disapproval.
How do you feel when this happens? Hard. Angry. Furious. Insecure. Empty. Alone. All are layers of the same response. On the surface the monster of resistance expresses anger and hardness, but this is only to protect the insecurity and loneliness lurking underneath. If you peel away the layers, you find that resistance is actually born of fear, and fear comes from having been deeply hurt in the past.”
Adapted from : The Path to Love: Renewing the Power of Spirit in Your Life by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 1997)
6. Allow our Masters to be Who They Choose to Be
Expecting or demanding anything else only leads to frustration, disappointment, and resentment. Accept them for who they are. Support, worship and encourage all that they are. Submit to who they are, celebrate who they are.
“Expectations were like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack.”
― Brandon Sanderson
― Brandon Sanderson